Always With You Read online

  Jess and I look at each other, and she looks annoyed whereas I am ready to play ball.

  “Well, if you didn’t yet get the memo, Leo is Sam’s father,” Jess announces with a bit of feistiness, bouncing Sam on her hip.

  “Yeah, and how did that happen?” Max grins and takes a sip from his beer bottle.

  “Maybe you should both fill us in on the details?” Abby joins in on this ambush with an entertained smile.

  Jess and I look at each other again.

  Harper gives a little wave. “Yeah, I wasn’t even here 18 months ago, so I really will need the whole story to understand.” She smirks, and Max proudly puts an arm around his new girlfriend. Traitor.

  “Or maybe we save that for another time. My version of events isn’t exactly censored for a children’s party,” I volley out.

  Max gives me a cunning smile as he looks between Jess and me. “Seems like you two finally banged it out. Always knew you two would hook up.”

  Even that one shocks me that he decided to say that in front of everyone. Jess’s mouth drops open and her head retreats back as she is taken aback by Max’s boldness.

  I look at him and shake my head in disbelief that they feel now is the time to mess with me. “Really?” It comes out mundane.

  Jess lets out a huff and takes Sam inside to the kitchen and the girls follow, laughing.

  I join the guys who seem to be congregating outside by the BBQ.

  “Not cool, guys,” I warn.

  “She’s moody today,” Max comments as he hands me a beer.

  “Yeah, that’s the way I like her,” I say half joking and half deadly serious. Because that woman has always done something to me.

  “I guess we can say congratulations?” Lucas asks awkwardly as he throws some meat on the grill.

  “I guess so.” A hint of pride takes over me as I sip my beer.

  "You really had no idea?" I add, with lines forming on my forehead as I am trying to figure out this life-changing news. Max looks up from the bottle to me. He is considering his answer. He looks guilty.

  Shit. This isn't good.

  "Technically, no. I did not know 100%," he says, looking at the floor, and I am fuming.

  "Explain and fast," I order, and his answer better be good.

  "Well, I work with Jess. I see her daily, you know that. She asked once if I had heard from you. I said no and then she threw up on my shoes and announced she was pregnant. I did think for a second that maybe..." Max explains, and I can see he feels guilty. "She didn’t confirm it. So, I brushed it off.”

  I shake my head at him as I’m angry that he had a clue about my son before I even did. I step even closer to him, looking around the yard to make sure Jess can’t see me having this conversation.

  But when Max says, "Man, I can't imagine what you’re going through," placing a hand on my back, I let go of any anger. It wasn’t his role to play messenger, nor was it possible for him to even do so.

  I look to Lucas. “Look, we all maybe had an idea, just she never confirmed it and we weren’t in contact with you. Even if I knew when I saw her at the hospital, you know I have patient confidentiality,” Lucas explains, and I decide to let the whole topic go.

  Abby comes along and hands Lucas hamburger buns for the BBQ. She looks at me, crossing her arms and tapping her fingers on her arms. She is investigating me.

  “And the culprit returns,” she states. Abby is Jess’s best friend so this could go in many directions. "You have a lot of lost time to make up for. Jess has been doing it all herself. Every time Sam wakes, she’s there. Every time he is sick, she’s there. When the kid wanted to live on her boobs for six months, she did it. She has done everything. Doing a damn good job. If you screw up her life in any way, then I will come after you with what I use to castrate our dogs," Abby snipes as she points a finger at me. She is a veterinarian, so of course she references a pet.

  "Really? I’m the bad guy? The one who was in the dark that he had a son? If I had known I would have been back here the moment I found out,” I defend.

  Abby sighs and she gives me a look of understanding. “I know.” She continues to stare. “By the way, you owe her a push present.” She seems to be reminding me of something, but I have no clue what language she’s speaking.

  I look to the guys for a clue, and Lucas clues me in. “Apparently, when a woman pops out your kid, you owe them a gift. Something shiny, something expensive.” He grins at me.

  “That’s seriously a thing?” I look at Abby and she nods. “Fine. If Jess wants a diamond ring, then okay, it’s hers.”

  Abby scoffs in entertainment it seems. “Aiming big?”

  “Abby deary, why don’t you work on that birthday cake for Theo, inside,” Lucas urges, trying to diffuse his other half as she is hyped up on inquisition. Abby takes a sharp turn and heads back inside to prepare the cake for Lucas’s son who he has for the summer.

  Taking a generous gulp of my beer, I look to Lucas.

  “Any advice for co-parenting together as two platonic friends that Jess is so adamant we try?” I ask.

  “Yeah, don’t sleep together for fun, because that would make the co-parenting thing beyond complicated,” he jokes, and I manage for the lines of my mouth to change slightly, barely.

  “You seem to have digested this news really well.” Lucas looks at me.

  I smile to myself. “Well, I think it is kind of a great surprise. Don’t want to lose any more time.”

  “That’s a good thought. So how are you both tackling the co-parenting?” Lucas is still poking meat around on the grill. He always has been the more grounded one of the guys.

  “I will stay with Jess and Sam for a few months, so Sam gets used to me. Only moved my stuff this morning. Our morning was ruined by an unexpected run-in with my father.”

  The guys let out a grunt of pain.

  “Yikes. That’s a painful start,” Max says, opening a beer bottle.

  Lucas tells us he will be right back as he needs to check on Theo.

  Studying Max, I know that he is Jess’s work husband, if you will. At this point he knows more about Jess’s pregnancy than I do.

  “What have the last 18 months really been like for her?” I ask him.

  “Good. We have had a killer year in sales and buys.” Max looks at me and crosses his arms. Knowing full well that’s not what I meant. He is going to make me work for this.

  “Nice to hear. But you know that isn’t what I mean. Her pregnancy, raising Sam. How was it? She told me, but maybe she’s telling me a simplified version so I don’t freak out or to avoid making me feel guilty,” I speak, putting my cards on the table.

  Max studies me for a second and for once doesn’t break a sarcastic remark.

  “Ahh. I see.” He sighs. “Well. She had a good pregnancy. Got quite cranky at the office if I put the wrong song on.”

  I think of all of this and it sounds like Jess. What I wouldn’t give to turn back the clock and be there for all of that. Every appointment, every kick.

  “Sam came on time. Abby was with her, and I guess it was a normal labor. We all helped her out when we could when Sam was born. Anything for that little guy. How she has been able to take care of Sam, work, and still look like that I do not know. But she’s just a natural at the mom thing, I guess, and her focus has been on Sam. That’s everything in a nutshell.” Max looks at me, studying me. He has his serious look on because he knows I am serious and lost in regret that I missed it all.

  “I owe you a big thanks. She said you made it quite easy for her to take care of Sam and work. Covered her maternity leave so she could stay home with Sam.” My gratitude is more than he will know because I feel responsible for her even if she doesn’t want me to.

  “Nah, it was nothing.” Max brushes it off, because that is Max. “Plus, Jess repaid me by sort of ensuring I would meet Harper.” He grins as it’s true. Jess mentioned she swapped appointments so Max would have to show Harper houses and that is how their story
began not long ago.

  “And what about guys?”

  Max lets out a snort. “Well, Jess is the hot single mom that all the divorced guys seem to go for. Don’t ever let her go into a supermarket alone, otherwise the guys swarm to her.”

  I take note of that more seriously than I should.

  “But she hasn’t shown interest in anyone… maybe she was waiting for you,” Max tries to drop that thought in my head. I know him.

  “Really? Then why have I been banished to the guest room for eternity?”

  “Ah, so you do want more than co-parenting.” He offers me a knowing grin. “Something tells me you won’t be a guest in that room for much longer,” he tries to encourage me.

  I take another sip of beer as I stare at Jess in the distance, leaning over and kneeling on the ground next to Sam and Lucas’s son Theo. She is blowing bubbles, and it conveniently means she is showing some cleavage. I can see her lips work some incredible magic as she blows on the bubble wand, and my mind is thinking things I shouldn’t be thinking at a children’s birthday party. I’m thinking in slow motion, and I can’t help but notice her infectious smile.

  A smile that some guy next to the pool notices too and starts a conversation with her. The dude looks like he works out too much and has too much gel in his spikey blond hair. Something in me boils.

  I feel like a caveman. Paternal instincts? Animal instincts? Don’t really care as the heat of territorial rage has already started.

  “Who’s the guy?” I indicate my head towards the pool.

  “Casey? He works in the same office building as Jess and Max, I think. Also divorced with a kid Theo’s age,” Lucas says as he returns to the grill to flip a burger.

  I didn’t need to hear any of those words as it just sends a surge through me. Heading closer to the pool, I arrive standing next to Jess just in time to hear the guy ask Jess if she was free for lunch this week.

  "Casey, I really can't. I have a lot of appointments this week and—" Jess explains with an awkward smile as she looks at me, realizing that I am now next to her and I may have put my hand on her lower back, so she can’t fall into the pool, of course.

  Before she finishes, I cut right in. "Thought I would join you for a swim." I lock my gaze with the douche in front of me. He looks at me up and down.

  Maybe Jess picks up on some tension as she quickly explains, "Casey works in the office across from mine and Max’s.”

  "Hey, man, nice to meet you. Casey," the douchebag says.

  "Leo," I reply shortly.

  "How do you two know each other?" Casey dares to ask. Jess is about to explain, but I put a hand on her shoulder and quickly jump in.

  "I am Sam's father,” with a look telling this guy to back the fuck off. The guy looks confused.

  "Oh. I didn't know that you two were back together, " Casey says, looking at Jess.

  Jess looks uncomfortable. "Well. We’re not. It's... complicated," Jess cracks out and there is an awkward silence.

  Casey gets the drift.

  A thought comes to me that I should be correcting both of them on the relationship status, but we haven’t had that conversation yet, and something tells me that it will be a debate.

  "I guess I’ll see you around," he says and quickly heads off.

  Jess looks at me and she is crabby today. "Really?" She puts a hand on her hip.

  Fuck. Was I a bit of an ass? Not too bad.

  "If you’re interested in him, be my guest." I hold my arm out as if to lead the way. She shakes her head and lets out sounds of frustration.

  "Not interested, and let’s just focus on co-parenting, and when the day comes that one of us has someone romantically then we will tackle it."

  Oh, we most definitely will tackle it.

  “Agreed.”

  Chapter Nine

  Jess

  Harper, Abby, and I are busy eating cake and catching up in the kitchen with the sliding doors open to outside.

  Abby gives me a deep hug.

  “Now I can openly say it,” Abby mentions in a moment of understanding. I look at her with relief. Remembering when I was in labor with Sam and I nearly said Leo’s name. Maybe she picked up on it, I am most certain she did. But we just looked at each other with a mutual understanding that she wouldn’t ask.

  “What is it like seeing him again after all this time?” Harper asks.

  I stall on that question because my brain has many thoughts. Mostly that this firework just exploded in front of me, because seeing Leo does something to me.

  “Actually, I feel relieved. Happy that Sam finally has his father. Confused. No idea how this is going to work,” I admit.

  “That makes sense, but I meant what is it like seeing Leo?” Harper asks again, and I roll my head as I have been trying to avoid that same question that my brain keeps asking myself.

  For some reason it feels like time hasn’t passed and we literally just finished screaming each other’s name before collapsing on my bed one of the times that night. Except time did pass, and there is someone else to think of now. My life changed in those 18 months.

  “Tolerable,” I smirk and avoid a real answer.

  “Forget it, Harper,” Abby says. “When it comes to Leo, Jess and he are a headache. Drove all of us crazy. We once had a group game night and we literally had to stop because Leo and Jess debated who the hell was in the library with the wrench for 20 minutes, and we weren’t even playing Clue!” Abby explains.

  “Ha, love it, sounds like my kind of people. Okay. So, Jess, what are you going to do?” Harper asks, clearing some plates.

  “Well, he is living with us for a little while.” I play with the icing on my fork.

  “If you both continue to act the way you both did by the pool then every future gathering will be entertaining, and something tells me your evenings are about to get interesting too.” Harper winks as she grabs a drink.

  I look at her, confused.

  “Oh please. You know he was jealous, right?” Harper adds. She is new to our group of friends, yet we hit it off from the start. But she only met Leo this weekend.

  “Don’t be ridiculous. It was one night. Kind of drunk and got pregnant. Nothing more.” I look across the yard to see Leo pushing Sam around in a yellow floaty tube in the pool.

  “That drunk, huh?” Abby comments, pouring some daquiri into a red cup. She stops as she is about to take a sip. “Well. I remember once you said that you remembered every detail of that night,” Abby says a little too chipper, and Harper opens her mouth in excitement.

  “In fact. You said that you probably got pregnant because you did it several times,” Abby explains, satisfied that she is breaking me down to pieces.

  Harper lets out a squeal of delight. “Really?” Harper is like a child on Christmas day.

  I bite my lip. “It doesn’t mean anything. It really was a one-night thing,” I state, taking a gulp from my red cup.

  Abby shakes her head.

  “You do realize it isn’t a mistake when you do it more than once,” Harper says.

  “Of course it can be, and I am not saying it was a mistake. It made Sam.”

  “Bad judgment, maybe. But after the first time you knew full well what you were doing. You really wanted it,” Abby presses, looking at Harper like they just solved a Sherlock Holmes mystery.

  “Oh man. This co-parenting idea just got complicated.” Harper rolls her eyes.

  “It didn’t. Because really it was one night. We will figure out how to do this as co-parents, nothing else,” I say, 100% certain in my brain, but my heart isn’t feeling the same.

  The girls and I look over to the swimming pool as the guys are swimming with Theo. Leo is holding Sam and they’re getting out of the water. It’s in slow motion to me as I assess if his toned abs have changed. His body seems to be like a fine wine that just gets better over time. Irritating. He holds Sam like it’s second nature and he seems happy to be with his son.

  I turn to look back at th
e girls.

  “I think he has big plans for you, by the way,” Abby gives me a side glance in which I respond with a puzzled look. “Something tells me that he may want to upgrade your co-parenting-only plan. It never crossed your mind to try and be together for Sam?” Abby asks sincerely.

  “Maybe that’s why not to try. I don’t want to try and if it doesn’t work then Sam is in the middle. I had that with my own parents when they divorced. I was a constant chess piece in their custody battle. Leo and I may have never seen eye to eye, but I have no doubt he will be there for Sam. I can’t explain it, but I am so certain of that, so let’s just focus on parenting,” I admit wholeheartedly.

  “Hmm. You are sounding kind of sentimental. Are you sure you didn’t sleep together again? I can imagine having a child together and seeing each other again stirs up something,” Harper asks, and I hear her, but I’m also lost in thought.

  And yes, it does stir up something. But I have a plan to follow.

  “No. We haven’t slept together, yet.” It slips off my tongue so easily without thought or using my conscious brain. I realize after I finished the sentence that I said yet. That feeling that I tried to keep buried deep in me let me down and decided to come up for a visit. That curiosity that has always been on my mind.

  “Yet?” Abby looks at me with wide eyes and a smile of gratification.

  To my horror, the moment I realize my mistake, Leo comes up from behind me.

  “Hey, Jess. I think we need to go. Sam seems tired or needs a diaper change or I don’t know,” Leo says, honestly clueless and handing Sam to me. I feel relief that he didn’t hear me.

  “Oh yeah. It’s probably bedtime soon for him.” Which is true, but it also gets me the hell out of this interrogation from my friends.

  “Okay. Great. We can get him to bed then open a bottle of wine and discuss our upcoming co-parenting date.”

  I look at him confused. “Date?” My voice cracks.

  Lucas and Max join Harper and Abby. It feels like we have an audience.